![]() ![]() Do we use our energy actively pursuing a man to get him in bed? How many times have we found ourselves stalking a potential date and trying to fit the puzzle pieces together to answer why they haven’t texted us back yet? Becoming aware of how and when we use our energy is the first step to understanding how we efficiently waste it. Sex is for pleasure and should be treated as a gift, not an expectation.Ĥ. We are capable of putting an end to the shame cycle when we only take what’s given and only give when we want to as well. When sex is freely offered, I can now gladly accept (if I wish) and enjoy the connection. Instead of assuming that sex was mine for the taking with anyone who was interested in me, now I wait until it’s freely offered to me. I can tell you, I never left the next morning feeling good. I stole their time and attention when it wasn’t offered to me for my own pleasure. Thinking about it now makes my stomach churn. I would stomp my feet, demand a reason why, and not give up until my partner would concede. When sex wasn’t freely given to me, I was upset. Making another human feel bad that they can’t bend to our will at any given time is stealing. An example is requesting a date one night with the assumption that they would rearrange their schedule for us, and if they didn’t, throwing a fit including a top-notch guilt trip. Demanding another’s time when it isn’t freely given to us is stealing. This isn’t only rooted in the physical realm, it also includes the time and attention of another human. If we live true to ourselves, we won’t be burdened with regret because we won’t let anyone step over our boundaries without being invited in.ģ. We’re lying to them when we make them believe we’re interested, when in reality, we’re waiting for the perfect opportunity to cut ties and bail. Sometimes, we put up with people to avoid hurting them, but who we really hurt is ourselves. I’ve caught myself on multiple occasions dreading turning down a man, to only find myself still accommodating this guy who never should’ve gotten a second date in the first place. Sleeping with people because we feel obligated is another. Pity dating is a thing, and we don’t want that. Living this out meant I needed to stop people pleasing and put my foot down when the situation wasn’t serving me any longer. That includes putting up boundaries when necessary. Not in a way to hurt someone (do no harm), but instead saying exactly how we feel. Speaking the truth means literally speaking your truth. Only speaking the truth seems easy, but looking through the lens of dating, it’s a little harder to live out. When we only see the worst and expect to find happiness from it, it’s a losing battle before we even begin.Ģ. Then, I would turn my anger toward them and want to make them feel as low as I did. I was the one suffering for how I interpreted their behavior and I let it eat me alive. But I’d always end up angry and miserable-not them. ![]() I would find myself degrading and cursing a man who didn’t make me a priority right away. I can’t count on all of my fingers or toes the times I have treated a man poorly in my thoughts. ![]() I have too many of my own stories like that, I’m ashamed to admit. We have all heard the tales of the woman scorned and how she struck revenge on the guy who never called her back. Though they may be little, they have an influence on our behavior. Our thoughts can be little judges with loud voices and they shape our interpretation of people and events. That includes how we talk to them, about them, and how we think of them. We need to treat every single person with compassion, even a potential date. Live life without hurting anyone and we’re good, right? Well, we’re halfway there. ![]() But when we look at these rules as a reference on how we approach the subject of sex, we can use them to make it better. It’s important to not lie or steal-we’ve all been told that. The yamas are the ethical principles that detail how to show up and play our part in life. Naturally.Īfter a few bad fish, I had to ask myself, “How can I get what I want and still make sure I leave the other person better than I found them and without compromising my true feelings?”Īs a yoga teacher, I use the eight limb path of yoga as general life guidelines. (Okay, a lot of the time.) But dating in my early 20s is a scary, muddy puddle that I’m supposed to just know how to swim. Instead of giving into society’s new norm of casual sex, I found another way to feel fulfilled and still play the game of adult dating. Not putting out within the first three dates is a guaranteed way to not hear back from a potential mate. I’ve always been the girl who felt uncomfortable with one-night stands.īut being a single, adult female, I quickly learned that my standards of needing a relationship before sex were, well, old-school. ![]()
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